Okay, okay...you probably know (if you care in the first place) that the GI Joe movie sequel has not only been pushed to March 2013, but will probably suck major donkey dong, since a lot of excuses were made for doing so...ehhhhh...
Well, on the plus side? I myself have always put the toys first when it comes to GI Joe, so even if the movie does indeed end up sucking...I'll still enjoy the toys. Of course, if it does suck
that badly, then it could mean the "deth of teh line". God, I hate when people say (type) that! Well, since the flick got moved, so did the action figure releases for the most part. Whatever Wave 1 stuff got out is apparently it until next spring. So, any fans have almost a year to wait and decide. Me? I simply cannot wait. When I heard this, I made sure I ran out like the big ol' dork I am and snatch up all the first wave stuff I wanted in a paranoid geek frenzy. Good God, I could recant my tale, but shall not...as the details will absolutely prove how much of a life I really don't have (as if you couldn't guess that already). Anyway, my simple reviews of the goods......
First up are the figures. In general, not as bad as people feared. Yeah, we know about the big honkin' weapons and the articulation cutbacks. Hey, you don't like 'em? Don't buy 'em. Quite frank, but true. Articulation cuts aren't that bad. All the ninjas guys are still standard modern sculpt fare. All others lost the double jointed knee and all ankle movement. The double knees aren't a tear-jerker. Barely missed. The ankles? For me, a bit...I just like that little extra sumpin' sumpin'. True, Joes got along without ankle articulation all through the 80s and 90s...but the move backward might upset fans of the modern sculpts...depends.
Okay, I'll get Duke outta the way.
It seems that hardcore fans will probably hate the actor head sculpts for their beloved characters. Eh, got plenty of classic Dukes. His outfit is kinda a futuristic military thing. Not bad, in my opinion. Okay, the orange gun is kinda dumb, but you know...movie line...colorful for the kids (supposedly). Whatever.
The big honkin' action gimmick weapon is...big. Too big. We know this. Every Joe fan has complained. What can you do? It's the classic effort to make the figure appeal to the kids. Add a big dumb action feature accessory. This ain't new. We had 'em in the first movie line. Heck, we had 'em back in the 90s! I never minded 'em that much as a kid. I kinda think it's cool, believe it or not. I like the look of it. The size is just ridiculous for a hand-held weapon. The big gattling missile launcher affixes to the smaller orange gun and onto a supportive, and equally orange shoulder pad. Pull the big ol' plastic rip cord to fire all four! First off, the rip cord feature is dumb. A fly wheel or turning knob on the back woulda worked fine. That plastic in the rip cord coulda went to more guns or a helmet. Second, they could added a stand so the weapon can, uh, stand on the ground and be launched. You know...gun turret? Trying to operate the gun and keep it in the figure's arms is near impossible anyway. Do I need to go to Pawtucket Rhode Island and yank the designers by the ears? Dopes.
Here's a comparison shot of the "movie heads". Slightly more toyish this time around...in my opinion. Not that bad a figure if you can stomach the weapon.
Now the Roc- I mean...Roadblock.
Okay, again...famous actor...some already hate that. I really don't mind. Of course, haven't seen the movie yet. Oy! Sculpt is quite superb for a relatively normal-looking army guy. This here is a man's man of a man! Only one little problem:
What DRUNK thought this was a good idea?! Seriously? A sculpturally engaged weapon in his hand? I honestly didn't pay attention to this detail until I opened the figure. It does look kinda like a futuristic gun, but it's really just a weird dual-purpose handle for the big weapon thing he gets. Totally unnecessary. I'm not even gonna bother geekin' off about this. You can fill in the blanks. To me, this ruins the figure. You come across the idea of weapons or other accessories being sculpted into the hands of action figures once in a while. Usually it has to do with action features. What? They couldn't have just put the handle on the big gun?
Here's the big gun. Unlike Duke's, I hate this one. It just looks dull to me. It's actually two weapons in one. It splits apart. You plug that horrible "tumor" on Roadblock's hand into the slots to activate the weapon.
The back part detaches and becomes an awkward blade weapon...akin to a bulky box cutter. The blade is supposed to pop out when you plug the handle hand into it, but mine is always popped out. You try to shove it back in...doesn't go back in. It's been over twelve hours...I should really take it to a doctor!
Great figure except for the right hand. Big weapon is a big fail in my opinion. I'd rather have seen a giant machine gun. By the way, apparently Roadblock's character is the ultimate ninja commando. Say whaaaaat, playah?! He's also now leader of the Joes, as hinted...oops, spoiler...oh, who cares!
Let's switch gears now...bad guy time! Oh ho ho...delicious bad guys! I loves me some bad guys. If it weren't for Cobra, I'll admit I would probably not be as big a fan of GI Joe as I am...just sayin'.
The Cobra Trooper, folks.
This is the first time we really get a gonzo-looking trooper. Usually, the bottom-of-the-barrel Cobra Trooper is fairly realistic. The Direct to Consumer one was a tad goofy, but this one is by far the goofiest. Kinda refreshing...to me, anyway. The initial press photos had people drooling, until we saw the more "real" photos, and the primary blue accessories were better revealed. Lotta fans hated it. Still do. Not me. I'm ready for some goofy after the more serious POC and 30th Ann. stuff, anyway. Besides, you know damn well Hasbro will probably repaint him.
Pluck off his blue gear, and he actually looks like a weird ninja-type guy too. Not bad. Comes with a pistol and a rifle for weapons. The rifle looks more fantasy-based and may or may not work on...
butane? Check the odd canister. Must be so! Or, maybe it's a Super Soaker.
Instead of a honker gun, the Cobra Trooper has a nice parachute accessory. You can switch out his web gear for the harness and attach the parachute.
Ooh...nice quality. Not your cheap plastic or foil on twine crap. Such fine linens! Still works like your classic parachute toy...not perfect, but gets the job done! Even has a big, bad Cobra sigil right on it. Oh, I'm droolin'...classic bad guy stuff, there.
CRASHING THROUGH THE SKY...COMES THE FEARSOME CRY OF COBRA!......COOOOOBRAAAAA!!!
Back to the good guys...the Joe Trooper!
This guy should be a crowd-pleaser. He's almost like a lost 30th Ann. figure with his full articulation, tons of accessories, and no action gimmick weapon. Yep, there was a blue one and a tan...see, many fans thought this was an homage to the Spy Troops line in the early 2000s. We were first shown the blue version, so many fans thought it was some Cobra disguise. Not really...per se. Still awesome. Seems most people like the more natural brown one.
Comes with an alternate un-helmeted head. Has a mowhawk. Or is that a fauxhawk...or maybe a hybrid? Never much of a hair lover. I just wash it and comb it...no fuss, no muss. Eh, GI Joe never was very strict on dress code. Seems the helmet is very reminiscent of the Spartans from the Halo video games. Neat homage, even though I could care less. I suck at all video games. I played Halo ONCE at a friend's house. Hated it. I had more fun taunting the other players online with the headset...until the little jerks muted theirs. Sore winners. Why so serious?
Here are the boys in their gear. Apparently the capes are "survival cloaks". Nice! Want one.
Here's the gear they haul around. Whoo doggie! That's a load if I ever saw one. Then again, Duke and Roadblock need to lug them big cannons around, so these dudes got it easy.
Here's the spread, all laid out for ya! Whatta haul! My only gripe is the orange shovel. They kept this figure modest in color (mostly), but made the shovel bright orange. Makes a great target.
Here's the blue mask and cloak on the Cobra Trooper...neat, huh?
Your moment of toy zen...yes, this guy has full ankle articulation, and is not a ninja. Kinda makes me think Michael Jackson...I love this figure even more now! Calling all P.Y.T.s!!!
Now for Zartan!
One of the first classic "oddball" characters in the Real American Hero universe. He was a weird genetic mutant man and master of disguise as well as having some martial arts skills. Never had the classic toy, but always thought he was neat. This version, like many of the other movie figures, is probably not actually very movie accurate (we shall see). Some fans expressed distaste for this look. He does kinda look more random Sith Lord than GI Joe, but who's keeping track? This look actually seems inspired by his Renegades appearance. He just looks like a creepy warlock ninja to me. Not bad. We got plenty of cool Zartans already. This one may not be the best, but it's still kinda neat. I would complain about the odd blue weapons, but I'm pretending they have holographic enamel plating (or some techno-crap) on 'em so that they can go all "stealthy" and invisible.
Since Zartan's a shape shifter of sorts, he comes with swappable heads to simulate his "Master of Disguise" schtick. You gotta pull of his whole hood/chest harness thing to change out the noggins. Kinda awkward. In case you didn't notice, the eyes have a light piping feature to make it look like his eyes are glowing. Doesn't work well at all, and makes the heads look dumb. They also put a slit on the hood, too. Eh...dumb. Snake Eyes' head is the only one without the light piping thing. Weird, but then again, you can't really see his eyes! Probably the most convincing disguise.
Is this supposed to be...Duke? Maybe I shoulda saved the package, but I don't think it said...eh, who cares.
Storm Shadow. Still not a worthwhile disguise. Those big missile launchers are lookin' mighty good right about now!
Although this figure is not that bad in my opinion, it ain't the best. I wouldn't doubt if he got passed over by kids. I do look that creeper look he has on his default head.
Onto my old pal, Cobra Commander. Although I'm not the type to pick favorites...strictly speaking...Cobra Commander was and has always been one of my favorite villains. Sadly, my bothers owned three amongst the tow of 'em, while I had none! That's so effed up, right?! I din't get my own until the 200X era! Anyhoo...here he is.
Like the Joe Trooper, Cobra Commander had a variation. Blue and black. I'm not sure which is rarer. I've heard conflicting info. Anyway, I love the blue one. If you don't count the first movie one and the Pursuit of Cobra one, this is the most gonzo Cobra Commander since the 90s...in my opinion...well...actually...oh! So complicated!!! I love the look. Just a fun bad guy toy.
Naturally, I got both. If you prefer the more tame black one, that's your personal choice. I like both, but the blue one speaks to me...and he wants me to rise up and rule!!!
Comes with a rifle and a pistol. The pistol fits very loosely in the holster on his leg, so watch out...already lost one...heh heh!
Yep, he also comes with a big, dumb launcher thing...shaped like a snake staff. My only complaint is the relative oversize of it. I love a cool snake staff! The black figure has the same blue staff...go figure. Now that I have two, I might rig these up to a Cobra HQ or something to make awesome decorative security weapons. So classically cartoony!
Ahhhhh...I just had to quickly rig up this shot. This is what being a cartoonish bad guy is all about, baby!
Enter: The Red Ninja
[gong clash]
Yep, the whole GI Joe sequel clearly seems a little ninja-heavy. Man, the packaging reeks of martial arts stereotypes...just in the overall designs, the text used, the themes...more Samurai Champloo than GI Joe, you might say. Oh, how I wish Mako were still with us (bless his soul). I just want him to read aloud the descriptions of the characters so badly! That would rock.
Heck, you need some cannon fodder guys for the Joe team to beat up on. That's where the Red Ninjas come in...I assume. Classic ninja.
Has great poseability. Sadly, the figures are now sans figure stands...which is why my grimy finger is holding him in place.
The gimmick accessory is not a big missile launcher, but a zip line setup. Now, I'm an old zip line guy from waaay back. Used to affix string, yarn, and twine remnants all over the house as a kid for my figures to hang off and play on. Man, to be a kid again! I love it...BUT...(there's always a "but")...
My only gripe is that the figure really doesn't "zip" nicely down the line. You would assume he's slide right down that thing no prob, right? Mmmm...see, the cord is thick and a little coarse, plus the loop on the pulley-type thing is a long, rectangular one. I'm not a physics man, but I'll say this...the cord angles inside that rectangular loop tube when the figure's weight is on it and it really doesn't slide well. Maybe it takes some breaking in to do the trick...I dunno. Still cool. You can manually slide the figures across the zip lines. That's how I did it as a kid with my web of strings across the living room. The ends of the cord have plastic carabiners to hook onto stuff and one sliding missile anchor to add another attachment point.
You can hook the main anchor missile thing to one point and rig the cord through both tracks. Pull them apart, and the figure rides upward. Wheeee! That works well, at least. Oh...and yes, that's my toe in the corner of that pic. I used my own mad ninja skillz to hold one string in one hand and the other in my foot. Hey, I had to operate the camera some how!
Storm Shadow!!!
To most Joe fans, he needs no introduction. Hasbro made a bajillion different versions of him. He's been both good and bad and back again. He'll always be the evil white ninja to me, though. I've heard people say he looks too much like the white Power Ranger. I'd say that's a compliment!
An interesting new design. Seems they planned on giving him two swords, but only came with the one...bummer.
His zip line thingie is quite dumb, compared to the simpler one you get with the Red Ninja. It has multiple handles to hold onto, plus you can plug it into the figure's back. It's just so damn awkward looking to me. They coulda added real pulley wheels onto that thing, but those are fakes. The main anchor actually fires out like a missile. Incidentally, this thing also resembles a jumbo compound bow. Eh. I'd have rather they kept the simple one and given me more cool martial arts weapons.
Not a bad new version of Stormie...I'm sure we'll get fifty more.
Last, but not least (of the wave one single packs), is our old pal Snake Eyes...the commando who became a ninja and eeked his way into the hearts of GI Joe fans for evermore! He's had so many versions, it's sickening! I never had a Snake Eyes figure as a kid. My brothers didn't either. I honestly never really saw him as that great anyway...just sayin', but he has his charm. Pssst...Nunchuk was our default GI Joe ninja, as kids.
I still like Snake Eyes, don't get me wrong. I do admit that I coulda lived without this one. Nothing special. I've seen better. Chaulk it up to fanboyish paranoia. I kinda just grabbed him with the other figures. I actually hate the blue gun.
He has a rubbery harness with the zip line thingies built right it...and even a place for the main anchor.
Speaking of blue...sweet mother of...crap?! Yeah, not a fan of the blue on this guy...can't say why. I just hate it. Too much blue! ARGH!!! The wings have pivots on them and ball joints that attach to the harness. The wings have slots for the figure's hand. Yep, the wing tips launch out as missiles. Kinda cool, but the all-consuming primary blue just seems so yucky to me.
Same deal as with the other zip line toys...except for this guy has wings! As a plaything...not bad at all...remember...these are toys after all.
That's it for the single packs...again, not bad. If you collect modern Joes, you know what to expect (in general). Nothing outstandingly new, but still cool if you can get past the gimmick accessories, the mild loss of articulation...AND...the price hike.
Two three packs got released as well. I currently have only found the one. Here...enjoy the spread!
The figures are just repaints of the Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow, and Red Ninja from the singles...with different (shared) accessories.
You get one basic zip line and a bunch of the usual martial arts weapons fare. I really like this set. I just wish I woulda held off on that single pack Snake Eyes! This one is better. D'oh! So impetuous, I am.
Not sure if I want the other three pack anyway, but we shall see. In due time...in due time.
Vehicles soon...unless someone beats me to it!