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Post by proteus on Dec 20, 2011 13:08:25 GMT -6
what is the single most lame ass piece of crap ever dumped out by a toy company- what is the hunk of total ass that you always find in a job lot and think oh my god my trashcan has another victim.is there i vintage toy that even when you were 6 you thought man this is crap! well? for me there are a couple of contenders. mattels battlestar boray- wtf is the deal - its hardly posable, its from a real lame episode, and of a real lame alien that only appeared once and couldnt even fly in space theres no paint on it, its head wobbles like its gonna come off and it has a club that looks like a leg of lamb- you want mint sauce on that fella? that is if you can find your mouth you potatoe headed freak.you dont even stand up - but youre valuable ? why? is there a shortage of suck? mattels sculptors wasted a good five seconds on this . second , well its time for something so bad we cannot take it seriously at all- in fact its an entire line dapols doctor who figures from the late 80s these are so bad people didnt buy them when they were the only doctor who figures available because they were so appalling - with sculpting as realisic as playmobil,sylvester mccoy was as tall as a cyberman,and his head was too small his thighs were 2/3 the length of his legs , and he has completely the wrong colored trousers ,and an umbrella he cant hold, the tetrap is a lame figure of the worst alien ever, k9 was almost up to the doctors shoulders and green insead of grey-i believe they blamed this on the bbc providing a black and white photo for reference-how do you get green from a black and white photo- why dont you get grey- the right color? the famous six sided consol had five sides the tardis fell appart at the slightest touch and was far too big,the cybermans head was too narrow like he trapped it in an elevator door, their John Pertwee has a head like a potatoe the daleks were painted with a paint that came off within seconds of being handled - all the spots rubbed off ,and they did them in colors never seen in the show,i remember working in a shop that sold them and i remember die hard dr who fans coming in for them and saying man- these are sh*t. third- everyone reveres star wars and rightly so but come on- klaatu? he doesnt even stand up- hes pretty badly done and hes just not interesting- joining him being pushed out of the airlock are chief chirpa, and skiff guard klaatu- so lame we made him twice- whod want one never mind 2 . fourth mention goes to a totally sucky transformer - a transformer so lame hes embarressing goldbug- man do you suck not only are you a sucky transformer robot but sideways you have a car chassis coming out of your ass- and this is closely followed by laser rod optimus prime the robot in disguise with his bloody name written on the side in massive letters! great disguise. - any other honorable mentions?
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Post by bowheadwhale on Dec 20, 2011 14:40:12 GMT -6
A bad toy? Well, there are a few champion lemons in that category. Unfortunately, I forgot the name of most of them.
NUMBER ONE CRAP It was a toygun released in Asia in the 1980's, with which children could play "Russian Roulette". On the box, we saw an asian boy with the gun pointed on the side of his head, his eyes and mouth open with "amazement". The box said that if you heard a specific noise, it meant you lost (I think there was a light on it also, that went on). GREAT! A toy that featured suicide!
NUMBER TWO CRAP I remember seeing little fake, plastic male genitals with a hole on the tip of the you know what. The point of that wasted lemon, was that the boy would pretend peeing in front of everyone else, who would swear they saw him with his pants down. Just what you always wanted: a piece of plastic that makes you look like you were weeing. TERRIFIC.
NUMBER THREE CRAP In 1986 or so, I remember seeing a clown figure which, when we pushed some button, drop its pants down to show its buttocks. WOW! What a subtile joke! Just the thing to put in a museum of the stupidest merchandises never released.
NUMBER FOUR CRAP Barbie in McDonalds. That one was a truly challenging toy. It was a big fast food restaurant the size of yoyr bath tub and you would put your Barbie behind the shelf. And now, the big moment: you could hear Barbie say: "May I take your order?" WOW! How exciting! Barbie could talk! Just the occasion to gather all your friends for the big show, sell them tickets for the big surprise. They would have all waited in silence to hear Barbie say: "May I take your order?" Years and years of excitement!
NUMBER FIVE CRAP "What looks like an animal And bounces like a ball; Here come Zooballs!" And yes, zooballs did look like animals. But the thing was, they didn't bounce at all. What were they, exactly? They were rubber balls wrapped in fabric with a plush animal face and features. Yes, they were cute. No, they didn't bounce. No, they were not practical, because the fabric that wrapped the inside ball would gather all the dirt of the floor in no time trying to bounce. And very hard to clean up. The conceptors should have known that fabric totally neutralises the bouncing effect of rubber. And could gather dirt very easily. "What looks like an animal And doesn't bounce at all, Here come Zooballs!"
NUMBER SIX CRAP Barbie's self-walking horse. FINALLY! Barbie's horse walks all by itself and all you have to do is sitting down and watching it limping! Because that horse limped, wow! Did it limp! Its back legs as stiff as table legs and front legs dancing like if they were chasing flies! With a disatsrously grace-lacking walking like that, this poor horse was a lot better without that stupid mechanism. Put that mechanism into trash and... FINALLY! A horse you make it walk yourself and participate actively in the action!
These are my personnal lemon prizes winning craps.
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Post by brcthrift on Dec 20, 2011 15:15:24 GMT -6
The first three on your list sound awesome!!! I would love any one of those.
The actual worst toy ever is Dancey Dance Brobee. It is actually an awesome toy. It dances and tells kids they are awesome. The problem is it breaks the third time you use it. My sister got my son one of these for his first birthday. The thing broke within minutes of us putting in batteries. I came across a second one at a thrift store a year or so later, and bought it hoping to have better luck. It danced once then crapped out. I came across a third one about six months ago at the same thrift store. It danced in the store, but was broken by the time I got home.
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Post by Terrible Tony on Dec 20, 2011 17:50:55 GMT -6
How about the pet rock. The genius behind the pet rock sold millions to the dumbest people on earth! A dumb toy for dumber consumers.
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Post by proteus on Dec 21, 2011 14:45:03 GMT -6
pet rock was at least funny- im thinking more of real lame action figures more than general toys.
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Post by bowheadwhale on Dec 21, 2011 15:50:22 GMT -6
NUMBER SEVEN CRAP Schleich's Eagle Ray figure. Yes, the one you can see in my gallery, scanned in spring 2010. A very neat figure it was. Until hot 2010 summer came. The paint was so CHEAP it melted and stained four other toys I had: a seastar, my AAA Right Whale, my Safari ltd Jellyfish, plus another one I don't remember. It took me months before I could clean two of them, but my large sea star is now stained with brown for life and you can still see yellowing where the big brown spot once was on its belly. And let's not talk about what my eagle ray now looks like... Moving its production from Portugal to China was the WORST idea Schleich never had. Crap!
NUMBER EIGHT CRAP "RRRIII LRRROVRRRE YRRROUR." "LRET'S PLRAYR!" "LRET'S BREE FRIENDSRRR!" That is what I heard walking through a dolls alley in People's store back in 1994. That ugly, robotic voice screaming those hardly intelligible phrases litterally startled me with a vague sentiment of horror. It's when I walked back and forth, putting on something's magic eye that I discovered that terrible sound came from... a little girl doll in a box. Looking totally inoffensive in her pink pyjamas, with her curly brown hair, she had a voice like a Nazi general screaming orders in a 1940's radio. Gosh! If only the manufacturer didn't put that demonic mechanism in that toy!
NUMBER NINE CRAP "kkkrrrrrrssscchhhhhhha!ha!ha!kkkkkrrrrrssssccchhhhrrrr" "rrrrrrrrrrrrrrscchhhhhhwaaa!waaa!rrrrrrrrrrssssshhhhhhh" That was the sound of another doll, this time a baby doll in Wal-Mart, in 2011. This doll also had a magic eye that made it jiggle or cry when you walked by. But, once again, the voice of the baby had terrible parasites in it. Even worse than the 1994 little girl doll. Back in 1994, I thought a more terrible sound was impossible. Until I heard that baby jiggle and cry seventeen years later. Could you please tell me why manufacturers don't simply BOYCOTT self-working toy mechanisms? The results are terrible at a rate of 95%. Toys would simply be WAY better off without those monstruous mechanisms and were just simple, peaceful toys.
NUMBER TEN CRAP Princess of Power Crystal Falls Playset. A beautiful playset with lots of pretty accessories. Until you put water in it to make the waterfalls mechanism work. Then, SSSPPPLLLAAASSSHH! You could create the biggest messes you never made in your bedroom. The perfect playset to make your mother angry with all this wasted water on the floor and make her yell at you to play outside with your mess-making pink trick.
Now, I named you the TOP TEN LemonPrice winners in Worse Toy Ever Awards by Bowhead Whale.
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max27
Guest
Apr 25, 2024 16:38:31 GMT -6
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Post by max27 on Dec 25, 2011 9:10:06 GMT -6
Wasn't there a doll type toy back in the 80's that moved its mouth to chew food, but ended up chewing hair and fingers too. Before the recall that is. Maybe a Cabbage Patch?
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Post by else3573 on Jan 15, 2012 17:41:32 GMT -6
This isn't a recalled toy, but with all the amazing sculpts of the AD&D figures and the cool bendy monsters and PVC's, I think the Terrible Troll just looks awful.
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Post by figuremod73 on Jan 15, 2012 19:23:49 GMT -6
One ive always been fond of but really isnt a good idea to give children is the stretch toys such as kenners stretch armstrong and the mego elastic superheroes. Sure the are cool but after awhile of stretching their 'skin' become thin and eventually syrup comes out. Back thing to have happen on carpets or around other toys. Not sure what was in those small stretchable wrestling figures from the eighties....powder?
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thekurgan81
Toy Aisle Terror
Jul 17, 2011 12:35:28 GMT -6
Posts: 121
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Post by thekurgan81 on Jan 18, 2012 16:21:30 GMT -6
GI Joe Mega Monsters:- As soon as I saw them In the shops I thought they looked awsome and I got them both a couple of days later. Now I just think they are total crap- I don't even think the idea was that bad just the figures where really bad compared to the rest of the line and other toys out at the time. I still have them now- the only good thing was the art work on the card back and file card on the UK versions!!
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Post by funkyterrance on Jan 26, 2012 8:50:27 GMT -6
Now I am sure there were much worse toys put out but I am going to stick to action figures that I had. There may actually be some fans of these but mind you, I am strictly going from my worst toy experience (I was a bit picky about what toys I owned anyway). My pick is Food Fighters. I got some for a birthday and just didn't get it. They were unsettling in that they were deformed but not gross-out. Weird but commonplace at the same time. Poseable but barely articulate. Not smaller than most toys (cool) nor bigger than most toys (cool). Not asthetically pleasing nor ugly to the point that I liked them. Not very imaginative but not a knockoff. They just had no place in my toy universe.
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swafus
Guest
Apr 25, 2024 16:38:31 GMT -6
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Post by swafus on Feb 18, 2012 23:07:09 GMT -6
manglors! yes they had great box art but c'mon. its like they were made of dried snot.
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sircrimsonfox
Guest
Apr 25, 2024 16:38:31 GMT -6
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Post by sircrimsonfox on Feb 25, 2012 11:37:47 GMT -6
I think garbage pail kids were always pretty gross Yes I know that's the point but seriously who wants to play with those?
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Post by funkyterrance on Feb 25, 2012 22:25:47 GMT -6
I think garbage pail kids were always pretty gross Yes I know that's the point but seriously who wants to play with those? They are the one sole collection that survived into my adult life. Don't know why exactly but I was obsessed with these cards and cherish them still. You and my Mom 20 years ago should have met though, you would have gotten along stupendously .
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Post by bowheadwhale on Apr 3, 2012 13:46:36 GMT -6
I think garbage pail kids were always pretty gross Yes I know that's the point but seriously who wants to play with those? They are the one sole collection that survived into my adult life. Don't know why exactly but I was obsessed with these cards and cherish them still. You and my Mom 20 years ago should have met though, you would have gotten along stupendously . Were they some sort of a parody of "Cabbage Patch Kids"?
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Post by funkyterrance on Apr 4, 2012 7:09:11 GMT -6
They are the one sole collection that survived into my adult life. Don't know why exactly but I was obsessed with these cards and cherish them still. You and my Mom 20 years ago should have met though, you would have gotten along stupendously . Were they some sort of a parody of "Cabbage Patch Kids"? That's exactly what they were . They were the epitome of "gross out".
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Post by Ghouldrool on Apr 4, 2012 7:54:46 GMT -6
Reminds me of a parody on Beany Babies, called Meanies. One in particular was awesome. It was a plushy called 'Splat, the Roadkill Cat', and was actually a cat with a tyretrack across his gut and his tongue and eyes sticking out. Awesome.
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Post by joeybones on Apr 4, 2012 8:16:42 GMT -6
I think garbage pail kids were always pretty gross Yes I know that's the point but seriously who wants to play with those? ME.
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Post by countzackula on Apr 4, 2012 18:00:15 GMT -6
My Buddy and Kid Sister. Why? They're a bunch of life-sized creeps, that's why! Who wants some fake baby or something staring at you while you sleep? Gimme fangs and claws from some random under-the-bed monster any day...those big dolls get to you! My idiot brother got a My Buddy for some reason. I have fond memories of beating that thing up, as did my brother...come to think of it...how did we even get that stupid thing? None of us really wanted it...we just punched it around. *sigh*...the little fake brother or sister you didn't want.
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Post by mrjayberry on Apr 4, 2012 19:11:38 GMT -6
Sounds like you should have gotten one of those Wrestling Buddies of Hulk Hogan or Macho Man.
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Post by funkyterrance on Apr 4, 2012 19:13:54 GMT -6
My Buddy and Kid Sister. Why? They're a bunch of life-sized creeps, that's why! Who wants some fake baby or something staring at you while you sleep? Gimme fangs and claws from some random under-the-bed monster any day...those big dolls get to you! My idiot brother got a My Buddy for some reason. I have fond memories of beating that thing up, as did my brother...come to think of it...how did we even get that stupid thing? None of us really wanted it...we just punched it around. *sigh*...the little fake brother or sister you didn't want. Lol, my friend had a My Buddy and we did the same thing! We strung him up with rope, beat him with pipes and butchered his haircut with scissors. I remember my friend felt a little guilty after though since his mom bought it for him. The weird thing was he had 6 brothers so he didn't need a "pal". I feel bad for the kid who actually enjoyed those toys, they must have been one lonely little fart.
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Post by countzackula on Apr 5, 2012 15:48:22 GMT -6
Sounds like you should have gotten one of those Wrestling Buddies of Hulk Hogan or Macho Man. Had 'em! Me and my two brothers...they were okay for the times back then. Weren't as satisfying to beat up, though. It's hard to not beat up on My Buddy. God, this is getting dark, eh?
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Post by funkyterrance on Apr 5, 2012 17:44:43 GMT -6
Sounds like you should have gotten one of those Wrestling Buddies of Hulk Hogan or Macho Man. Had 'em! Me and my two brothers...they were okay for the times back then. Weren't as satisfying to beat up, though. It's hard to not beat up on My Buddy. God, this is getting dark, eh? Well we are talking about young boys growing up so yeah, appropriately dark lol.
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Post by bowheadwhale on May 1, 2012 14:07:10 GMT -6
Reminds me of a parody on Beany Babies, called Meanies. One in particular was awesome. It was a plushy called 'Splat, the Roadkill Cat', and was actually a cat with a tyretrack across his gut and his tongue and eyes sticking out. Awesome. Huh.... in a thread about worst toys ever, do you use the qualification "awesome" seriously or was it sarcastic?
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Post by bowheadwhale on May 1, 2012 14:14:41 GMT -6
My Buddy and Kid Sister. Why? They're a bunch of life-sized creeps, that's why! Who wants some fake baby or something staring at you while you sleep? Gimme fangs and claws from some random under-the-bed monster any day...those big dolls get to you! My idiot brother got a My Buddy for some reason. I have fond memories of beating that thing up, as did my brother...come to think of it...how did we even get that stupid thing? None of us really wanted it...we just punched it around. *sigh*...the little fake brother or sister you didn't want. Lol, my friend had a My Buddy and we did the same thing! We strung him up with rope, beat him with pipes and butchered his haircut with scissors. I remember my friend felt a little guilty after though since his mom bought it for him. The weird thing was he had 6 brothers so he didn't need a "pal". I feel bad for the kid who actually enjoyed those toys, they must have been one lonely little fart. Why in the world would a mother of seven kids give a life-size doll to one of them!?
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Post by funkyterrance on May 1, 2012 15:27:33 GMT -6
Lol, my friend had a My Buddy and we did the same thing! We strung him up with rope, beat him with pipes and butchered his haircut with scissors. I remember my friend felt a little guilty after though since his mom bought it for him. The weird thing was he had 6 brothers so he didn't need a "pal". I feel bad for the kid who actually enjoyed those toys, they must have been one lonely little fart. Why in the world would a mother of seven kids give a life-size doll to one of them!? Good question. I have a feeling that she was trying to get him more in touch with his "gentle side" as he was a pretty rough kid. She also would buy him pets to take care of like hamsters and hermit crabs and such so that's my theory. We did not torture the animals though, I was never that kind of kid. I was actually very envious of his parakeet, a pet that I was not able to have until I was a bit older.
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actionplus
Toy Aisle Terror
Apr 28, 2012 11:37:31 GMT -6
Posts: 81
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Post by actionplus on May 1, 2012 15:50:02 GMT -6
OK, that is an AMAZING collection of GPK Cheap Toys, Joeybones. Hats off to you, brother.
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Post by bowheadwhale on Jul 5, 2012 14:10:13 GMT -6
May I confess something to you fellow forum members, please? When I saw those " Garbage Pail Kids", it reminded me I actually knew those things, from a long time ago. And it's not a good memory. Why? Let me explain, please. Back in 1982, 1983 and 1984, there was this horrible older girl who would always persecute me at the school bus stop for the reason that I was overweight (the main explanation was that I had my puberty at 8 years old, so I gained weight a few years before). But she used that difference to insult me in front of all her mates, throw pieces of ice to me in winter, not letting me take shelter on her balcony during rain (while she accepted everyone else)... When " Garbage Pail Kids" were lensed, she used the big Gargantua character to insult me in the bus, comparing me loudly to it in the bus. I could not defend myself, because she was stronger than I was and many kids were on her side (of course, they were thinner, so I always was the different one). On the bus stop, her mother would always witness that, but never EVER stopped her daughter; to her, she was just "defending herself". Right. By attacking the weaker. And that comparision between me and that Gargantua " Garbage Pail Kids" continued during the whole school year 1984-1985. And the bus driver would also let her do it. That was a true nightmare. It only stopped when I reached the third grade, because her parents moved. A detail: nobody went to tell them goodbye in their yard when they moved: the mother had to go to the neighbors herself to say goodbye... maybe I wasn't the only one who didn't like her daughter after all... All of it to tell you that " Garbage Pail Kids" are not related to any good memory, so they are not a good concept to me either. It's not the creators'fault, but man! How much I suffered with those!
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Post by rawlin on Jul 5, 2012 14:46:29 GMT -6
I never really liked them, but I did have a few stickers. A buddy had like all of them a big book of those stickers. Fortunately I did not have any bad experience with these as you did. I would for sure hate them as well if I had though. I can see the concept in Garbage Pail Kid, the kids think they look funny because they are so bizarre but they should have seen stuff like this coming. And I think it might actually be among the worst toys ever.
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Post by else3573 on Jul 7, 2012 18:28:04 GMT -6
Yeah, I'm super jealous of that GPK Cheap Toys collection. Just amazing.
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